Touchy Feely Tuesday

Feelings. I haz them.
But I am a "hold everything inside" kind of girl.

So here.
Let me throw up all over you.

I have experienced a lot of transitions lately, and with all of those transitions come feelings and emotions that sometimes make sense and sometimes don't. Just a year ago, I was still taking the Prozac I was prescribed for PPD. And less than a year ago, I weaned myself off of it.

So a lot of these feelings are finally a little more intense.

I keep writing and deleting because I feel like I am not talking feelings as much as excuses/reasons for feelings.

And writing and deleting is annoying so let me just try and say something here...

Yesterday I was listening to the radio and singing a song to Madee and just started crying.
Why?
Well, still trying to figure all that out.

Being a SAHM for 4 years, then having a high stress job for a few months then back to SAHMing again has been mind-boggling. My kids were acting like they didn't need me so much anymore, and then soon after taking the job, they were missing me desperately and telling me I didn't do the things I used to do with and for them.

The tug between the me that is a devoted mother and the me that finally was doing something I enjoyed working at made me feel angry all the time. I hated it. I just couldn't seem to find a balance. I missed my family, my kids, my regular house things like organizing and cooking. I loved having money that I didn't need of feel guilty about spending because I worked for it. I loved being able to buy the family some clothes (we desperately needed it) and afford Christmas without it straining our bank account. Money is good. But love is better.

And what about working within my field doing something I was really good at and using my creativity, my degree and my experience in life? It was hard to walk away from that opportunity, but I am trying to let that experience encourage me to do all of that anyway, job or not. I had lost a lot of motivation and inspiration for the things that interest me, and so I am trying to rejuvenate that part of me again.

Since I stopped working, my youngest has requested to stay at home with me. And I? Jumped at the chance. She is my last baby, and she isn't a baby anymore. So we are going to spend some time lingering on that feeling of mother/baby for a little while longer until she is ready to move on with her school life and friends.

So to sum up? A whole lot of emotions. I hate worrying about money or how I will afford beauty products and clothes that help me feel good about myself. I love planning and cooking healthy meals for my family. I hate feeling like I am not contributing financially. I love being able to contribute to my kids so fully.

And I reached a weight milestone that has eluded me for over a year, and finally see that all going where I want it.

Sometimes I am going to laugh.
Sometimes I am going to cry.
Sometimes I am going to do a little of both.
Ultimately?
I am feeling better about what I am doing in this stage of my life.
And spending more time on the beach.
Because I can.

I know I haven't shared deeply, but I have begun to admit feelings at all, so hopefully this will evolve in time.
How do you deal with your feelings?
What are your ideas for getting them out and into a process?

What's to Eat This Week

I'd like some success at meal planning.

For me I think the "plan" is more daunting than the "meal" because I am non-committal like that, but I am always hungry a couple of times a day. Yet, what if I am not in the mood for tacos when it is taco night? See? Meal planning? A little problematic to my logic system.

But I agree I do need at least a rough outline so I can gauge what to expect and be prepared for feeding people, because it seems like everybody in this house gets hungry quite often and then looks at me.

I love Publix.
My 2nd job in the world was at Publix (cashier) and I just can't say better things as a former employee or a lifelong customer about this grocery store. Everybody is so nice, and helpful, and, for the most part, everything is easy to find no matter what store you are in.

But my favorite thing about Publix for this conversation is their buy one get one selection every week. You do realize if you are whopping coupons down on top of those savings, your head will explode, right? Also? At my Publix, Kellogg's cereals are half off on Saturdays and Sundays.

Dude. You have plenty of time to read the rest of this before you go crazy buying cereals because it is MONDAY and you don't even have to worry about this again for a  few more days.

Anyway, here is where I will keep my organization for meal planning outlining and stocking my pantries with the good stuff for less.

Publix sales run Thursday to Wednesday, so it is easy to get your sales flyer (pick up the in-store coupons), Sunday paper coupons, shop, save, wash, prep, store and serve the first meal by Monday night. Of course, I am already turned off by my enthusiasm, so I understand if you are, too.

Whatever.
I probably won't even do it again. (Or maybe I will!)
Let's just see if it works!

If you don't have a Publix?
You wish you did.
But I know they aren't the only grocery store doing this because I have seen Winn Dixie flyers with weekly BOGO. So maybe it is a trend.

Right now Publix is going crazy with Spaghetti sauce BOGO.
I hauled in a load of Bertolli last week, and now they are pushing Classico (my fave!)
I think a good meal outline includes a pasta night each week.
Notice how I didn't COMMIT on what kind of pasta?
Because it can be all fancy or just plain spaghetts.

When I am on my game, I generally boil up a box of whole grain noodles to serve spaghetti as a side for dinners for the girls. I find Eden just sleeps better when she has a nice starchy addition to dinner.

Looks like corn is 4 for $1.99 and the asparagus is $2.49/lb.
I kinda wonder if the corn is really very good yet, but I will grab some asparagus.
That's a nice treat.

BOGO sliced prosciutto. Well that asparagus is gonna be even better wrapped in THAT. 2/$3.99
BOGO Post brand cereals, so if you aren't into weekend shopping or Kellogg's I'd stock up here. My husband likes a choice of cereals. like Jerry Seinfeld. And you know he'd did some Honey Bunches of Oats!

Also, BOGO Publix cereal bars. Perfect for food on the go or or in the kids' lunches.

BOGO the Uncle Ben's microwaveable rice bags.
NO I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO MAKE RICE "FROM SCRATCH" ANYMORE.

Ha! Yes I just said rice from scratch.

Other BOGOs since this is starting to run on:

Kraft Barbecue Sauce
Progresso Broth
Hunt's Canned Tomatoes/Sauce/Paste
Planters Peanuts
Nabisco Toasted Chips
Talenti Gelato ( i need to know what gelato is)
Frozen Ravioli
Colgate Toothpaste
Arm & Hammer Laundry Detergent (WHUT?)

And I will be grabbing the $2 coupon for Huggies, which I think I also have Mnfrs coupon for $1.50 I can add to that!

Geez, I know, people, but this is my freaking DIARY, basically and these are the things I am thinking!
Of course I won't be eating toothpaste!

These aren't even all the BOGOS there are, I just don't use the other stuff.

Anyway, with these items we will be having this rough menu, no night set:

Crock Pot BBQ Pork Butt with Corn and Green Beans
5 Cheese Ravioli with Prosciutto Wrapped Asparagus
Chicken Tortilla Soup served over Rice

We will also have a cereal night, a leftover night, and our regular Friday night Pizza at Jerry's.

What? That's 6 nights, but a week has 7 nights you say?
Damn straight.
I think I can improvise one night a week. It's all I have BEEN doing every night of the week, so 1 night won't kill me!

So there is my rough meal outline for the week. I will let you know how it went next week!

Friday!

Before kids, I LOVED Fridays. I say "before kids" because, quite honestly, Fridays are a lot like other days of the week with kids. So far.

Anyway this isn't about my NOW Fridays, this is about my single working girl Fridays, which were very often also paydays, and which I would go shopping for a little something new for my date, work the next week, some special event, I am sure you get it. Like I had to have a reason! I had money! And a pre-baby body to spend it on!

I used to be pretty stylish, and though my style was kinda all over the place, I could really pull a lot of looks off. But as a MOM, I'd say I have struggled a bit with getting back on track with style. When I had that job for a couple of months, I was forced to at least get ready and dressed every day, and I have to say, I liked it.

I want to resurrect my love for Friday shopping without spending any money, so I have decided to do it here, with polyvore.com and pinterest to use as tools to re-tune my own inner fashionista.

And here is my first little number.

It's hot here. Florida hot. Well, most of the time it is, anyway.
But in February you can sometimes need a top layer.
I love everything about this. I could wear it to work (ha!) or shopping (ha!) I could wear it to an interview (zing!) or to church (O_o)! Take the jacket off and add a clutch and heels and I would totally wear this out for a hot date.

Ditch the skirt and I would still love all of this with jeans.

I love the gold accents playing off the button on the skirt and I really love the bag. Just a nice muted pop of color without any kind of sensory overload.

This is what I'd be buying today..

Source: polyvore.com via Karmen on Pinterest

Surprise!
I'm back.
And I am also unemployed.
Let's just say there were MANY lessons learned.

I am glad I learned them as soon as I did.
And I should have trusted my gut.
But oh well, right?

Anyhoo, what and where and why to blog.
I am hoping I might experience some surge of wonder.
Start something, finish something, add to something.
Why not start here?

I need to pick up my camera.
And get my equipment cleaned.
And find some re-inspiration.
Enough to share, even.

So, glad to be back.